Beauty awakens the soul to act.
Dante Alighieri

Gah! I just can’t figure out what I should do with myself. Today is another exercise in frustration. I feel so full of all kinds of ridiculous emotions. I want to channel them into a story. I believe that story is a lot about figuring out how to connect to other humans by expressing what they cannot quite figure out how to say. The problem is that sometimes I don’t really know how to say it either.

Well, eff.

I have a job interview tomorrow. It is an interview at a fitness club for a part-time job. Again, like the bookstore, the income is practically negligible given the costs I will incur by traveling to the job. But, I’ll earn a little bit from it and hopefully that little bit will make enough of a difference. Another potential benefit might be more inspiration to be healthy, as provided by working with people who are passionate about health.

I have another interview next week, though. Wouldn’t it just figure that when I finally start getting interviews, the one I want the least seems to be the quickest to resolve? I guess I’m obligated to take it, either way. I know I’ve said this before, but being a twenty-something jobseeker right now SUCKS BALLS. Okay, well, maybe I haven’t said it that way before. That doesn’t make it any less true.

Here’s a snippet of the mental cacophony that I deal with:

I have a loud internal voice that says, “You’re creative, you’ve got valuable talents and skills. Just be patient, somebody is bound to notice them eventually. Right? Yeah, keep on going!” There’s another voice in my head (often resembling one parent or the other) that says, “Work is not meant to be fun. Just do it because that’s the responsible thing to do. Besides, you’re basically white trash that doesn’t have much of a chance anyway at educated people’s work.”  Oh yeah, that’s nice. There’s another voice that often chimes in on bad days with helpful quips like, “You are so not ever going to get a job. Go back to bed.” Sometimes I listen. Although, lately, I’ve been going to yoga, which is actually quite helpful in silencing the bad day voice. I have even awakened a zen spirit voice. It says reasonable things like, “Unemployment is a temporary state of being that has no bearing on the quality of your soul. This time will pass. Work will occur in your life whether someone is paying you or not. Choose how to spend your time wisely now and in the future.”

Usually I gape for a moment at those morsels. I like them the best.

So, the moral of this post is that if you’re unemployed, you should do yoga and give yourself a break. Learn to appreciate the beauty in the songs of birds and the subtle accomplishment that is preparing a delicious and simple meal. Find peace when you can. Accept that it won’t be all the time, but believe that if you practice, you can find peace more and more often.

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